I'M BAAAAAACK

I took a break from posting because I was so f-ing overwhelmed by the events of the last couple of weeks - crash, death, survival, memorial, scattering ashes, immense love for husband and lastly, new job. Throw in normal mothering duties and I was on overload. But I am back. I'm not sure what I want to write about so I'm going to list a couple things that are on my mind and if the feeling strikes, I will elaborate later.

• The time I picked up The Hubby at LAX with Tom's ashes
• The time I transferred Tom's ashes into another container for scattering
• Being on the outer circle of grief/watching the inner circle of friends grieve
• The power of my husband to do what's right - damn, I love this guy
• We must set up a family trust - thoughts on mortality
• The day my husband told me to go shopping and I came home with a new work wardrobe
• The Girl's school and after care arrangements - woo hoo, no more working in the classroom
  
• My new job starts Monday and so does the mother guilt, but the money might balance it out

HOMECOMING

The Hubby is coming home today, bringing with him the ashes of his friend and coworker. We will take Tom's ashes to his ex and his sons, then head home. This is the day my husband comes home and I am so glad.

SAD DAY

The Hubby has been in Sarasota for the magazine's annual boat tests. Today the helicopter crashed while shooting photos of one of the boats. Both the photographer and videographer were killed and the pilot is in critical condition. I heard from The Hubby just after the crash to let me know he was ok (he stays on the docks, thank God). He's called a couple more times and text messaged, but he is just heartbroken. The photographer was a friend to all, dad of two boys and was great at what he did. And the pilot is a truly good guy. Hope he pulls through. Link to AP story here. It's a sad day.

MY CRAZY JUNIOR BAG LADY

My child just rescued a scrap of wrapping paper from the trash can. (editor's note: Yes, I know I should have recycled it in the first place, but shut up for a minute while I get to the point, OK?!?). She is having separation issues with things. Things like tires, dead plants, water bottle caps and apparently, used wrapping paper.

I had a flat tire last week and as the tow truck driver was taking the "worn out" tire off, she asked, "What are you going to do with my old tire? But I loooooooove my old tire!!!" Waaaaaaaa/cue tears. Seriously. She continued to cry when he put the tire in the trunk for repair later (even though we both knew it was a goner).

That night at Costco, as we used some of The Hubby's hard-earned bonus on four new tires for my car, The Girl again started to wail about how she loved her old tires and didn't want new ones.

She cried yesterday as I pulled several brown sticks that used to be coleus plants out of pots on the porch and replaced them with pretty new flowers.

Today's drama was the wrapping paper from a gift from Auntie Gerri. How heartless am I? I tossed it in the trash. She found it, saved it and wailed about my misdeed.

Could this be her way of dealing with loss/death? Or am I over analyzing? Am I pushing my death-agenda on her?

I think I will ask her teacher and the preschool director tomorrow. They know all about that developmental phase shit. Or maybe I will just Google "crazy junior bag lady compulsive horder."

CLOWNS DIE, HILARITY ENSUES

With CNN writing headlines like this, I don't even have to come up with anything witty...

Two clowns shot dead during performance

UP YOURS!

Nothing like posting every day in Nov. and then taking a two week vacation. Woo hoo. And it's not as if I was in tropical South America taking a zip line tour through the rain forest. I was here. At home. Doing "fun" stuff like wrapping presents, going to the park, trying (and failing) to clean up pine needles and getting a colonoscopy.

For the uninitiated, my mother was diagnosed at 59 with colon cancer and died just shy of her 63rd birthday, 10 years ago. Her father was diagnosed with colon cancer at 59, died at 60. Since I really don't want to keep that family tradition going, I had my first colonoscopy, having reached the magical insurance-company-approved age of 40.

After enduring a "bowel prep" Sunday (you don't want to know), followed Monday by a really long camera shoved through my *cough* colon *cough*, I am proud to announce I ain't got nothin' bad goin' on in there. Woot!

The nurse and I exchanged ways which we would not mind dying. Hers was to fall off a horse and be kicked in the head at the age of 91, thus dying with her boots on. I opted for a tragic chaise lounge/cocktail umbrella accident poolside in Maui at the age of 90. How do you want to go?

MORE DEAD MOTHER STUFF

If you are a mom, or just play one on TV, there is a new site that you might like called MothersClick. It is a meeting place for moms. Since I am obsessed with death and am also the official greater for the dead mothers' club, I started a new group called Motherless Mothers. If you are a mother who has lost your mother to death or other circumstances, come on over and join us. Really, it's not so bad.