HOW TO THREATEN A PRESCHOOLER

I have tried nearly everything to get my daughter to do things like stop jumping off high things or pick up her room. Nothing works. Bribes, also known as rewards, don't work. Threats of bodily harm don't work. Actual bodily harm doesn't work. Discussion of appropriate behavior does not work. Praise for good behavior? Doesn't frickin' work. So I shall list all the ways that don't work in order to brainstorm a new idea that will.

• Bad parent: Don't do that or I will give you a whuppin'.
• Concerned parent: Please stop that honey, you could get hurt.
• Loud parent: GET DOWN! I am NOT taking you to the emergency room!
• Graphic yet touchy-feely: If you fall, you are going to crack your head open and all of your brains will come out. How will that make you feel? It will make me soooo sad.
• Shame based: Stop that before someone who works here comes over tells you to stop.
• Bribe threat: If you don't stop, you won't get any gum/cookies/ice cream.
• Instant bribe: Stop it now and I will give you this gum. (Two minutes later threaten to take the gum back for non-compliance.)
• Errand-running parent: Stop that right now. We don't have time to go to the emergency room today. We still have to get dad's shirts at the dry cleaner.
• Teaching to hate the poor: Pick up your toys or I will take them to the Goodwill. I'm sure the less fortunate kids will take good care of them.

So by now I should have some fabulous ideas...but no. I ain't got nuthin. I am praying it is a phase.