Wednesday, May 04, 2005

WHORING MYSELF FOR OPRAH

As I was cruising around my friend (in my dreams) Oprah's website, I found the section that lists topics that the producers are working on and need participants. The one that caught my eye was asking for people who need a bra intervention. "Hi, my name is Beth and I wear an ill-fitting bra." Really, a bra intervention. So this is the note I submitted:

  • Hi producers! I am a 38-year mom to a nearly 2-year-old toddler. I am slowly weaning her so am still wearing a nursing bra. I am also slowly losing weight (down 10+ lbs in 4 weeks on Weight Watchers) and still have 40 lbs to go. My boobs need your help. They are down to here... and sometimes slip around to the side. My bras are getting too big in the cup area but are finally fitting around me better. I also have scoliosis (curved upper spine) so my shoulder blades are uneven and one strap always seems to fall down, even when I adjust the length. I tend to wear shirts that are a bit baggy to hide my saggy boobs as well as the poochey stuff (OK, so it's fat) on my back that spills out from the band of my bra. And exercising? With these floppy things and a bad bra? Ummm, boing boing...you get the picture.

    I need a bra makeover. My bras are ugly (all nursing bras are utilitarian) and obviously ill-fitting. Please help me get my boobs back up to their proud position atop my chest and away from my waist and armpits. This would help my self-esteem as I try to get my body back on track after childbirth and breastfeeding. Many thanks!

    PS – I am witty and don’t freeze in front of a camera or audience. I am a real-life kind of gal.

Keep your fingers crossed that my boobs will be sad enough for an Oprah intervention.

1 comment:

Monkey loves Kitten said...

In my post-lunch sleepiness, I will zone out in thoughts of your unruly boobies. Good luck, Boobies!