3:10 AM EASTER MORNING: BUSTED

After waking to change the Girl's diaper at 3 a.m. Easter morning, I couldn't get back to sleep. So I did what any sleepless mommy would do, grabbed a handful of malted milk eggs and headed for the computer. But before I had a chance to even click the IE icon, I saw two girls running down the street toward my neighbors house. Since they have two high school girls themselves, I figured I should investigate. Worst case scenario, I bust them for being out at 3:10 a.m. Best case scenario, I prevent yet another TP attack. I watched the girls run up to the house and then retreat behind a van. AHA! It is something untoward, not the neighbor girls behaving badly. So I walk out on the porch and say, "Girls, can I help you?"

*twittering from behind the van, then silence as they willed themselves invisible*
ME: Walking toward the street, "I can see you, girls."
Turns out they were spending the night with one of the neighbor girls.
DUMB GIRLS: "Uh, we just came outside to make a call," franticly showing me their cell.
ME: "I don't think so. You're busted and I'm telling NEIGHBOR PARENTS!"
DUMB GIRLS: "Really we just came out to make a call..."
ME: "I don't care. It's 3:10 in the morning, you are busted and I am telling! I am sure NEIGHBOR PARENTS are not going to be pleased! Now get inside."

OK, how dumb were said dumb girls? They were fully dressed and had their purses! Came outside to make a call? Riiiiiiiight! Turns out they snuck out, left neighbor girl to cover for them and went to a party where they drank. When I caught them, they were in fact making a call, but it was to neighbor girl's cell to tell her the door was locked. Seems NEIGHBOR PARENTS locked it at midnight.

At 8 a.m. I heard a car drive up to get them, so I headed them off at the curb and told them to get back inside and apologize to NEIGHBOR PARENTS. Their young, dumb faces were horror-filled, so I went back home to eat some candy.

Me? I felt very Mrs. Kravitz-like. And I totally mean that in a good, smug, nearly 40 years old kind of way. Dum, da, da, dum...VenturaMom, keeping kids off the streets, or at least busting them and making them think I'm the crazy neighbor who never sleeps and has eyes in the back of my head.

My work here is done.