Sunday, July 17, 2005

DRUNK DIAL-UP

I'm at the in-laws' for a few days while Gregg is traveling on business. Unfortunately, they have dial-up and a really slow computer. Fortunately, I brought a BIG GIANT bottle of Malibu Rum with me! Woo hoo...drunk dial-up. Well, not actually drunk, just sort of fuzzy from one REALLY strong Malibu & Diet Coke. Kind of makes me a slower typist. Umm, ok, boring...next.

So I've been thinking - do all stay-at-home-moms feel a bit lost? I used to take great pride in my career (public relations) and loved to talk about my experiences. Now, it's a lot of talk about fertility, toddler food favorites, mommy blogs and verbal abilities (not mine). It's like the professional part of my person was ripped away, kind of like a big leg waxing of your identity. Insert required platitude about mothering, would never change it, love The Girl more than words blah blah blah. But really, what happened to that part of me? Is it gone, never to return? Or is it in cold storage until I go back to work? And when I go back to work, will anyone care about my previous experience or will they just look at me like a baby factory? Gawd damn...this is depressing.

I'm not looking for answers, just reassurance that I will find that part of me again or at least some semblance of it. While I do make a kick-ass mom, it just doesn't quite fuel the ego as much as a big fat paycheck and a CEO who says, "Hey, you did a good job with that." And yes, I know that I am helping to form the future of our planet, making The Girl into a well-rounded secure feminist who is well above average, and all that. But part of me really wants validation other than a sticky kiss and snuggling.

I think I need another drink. Two drinks usually puts me into comedian mode and less of a maudlin self-pity wallower that this post has turned into. Anywho...thank the lord for DSL, powerful PCs and Tivo. I will never take you for granted again.
PS - Did I mention it's hot and I'm sweating?

Signing off from Santa Maria, this has been a mild anxiety attack.

2 comments:

Rose-Colored Beer Goggles said...

Hey Momma,
I worked with ya back in your PR days and you were a natural! When you decide to get back into the fray, it'll all come back... crashing back... and you'll probably wonder "what the hell was I thinkin'."

(I'm wonderin' where the hell the period was supposed to go at the end of that last sentence.) And you probably know where the hell the period goes, cause you're a good writer AND you know your grammar :o)

When you get a case of the doubts again, just remind yourself, there are places out there where pantyhose are still in the dress code.

Mindy said...

Eeeewwwww, pantyhose. Never touch the stuff.

You have just described my last couple of years, at least. I took six months off with my first two, and ten weeks off with my third (husband unemployed, no unemployment, couldn't afford to take leave, grrr, fucker, bastard.) I am sure they thought I was a baby factory, three kids in four years, but I was also executive management and held my shit together. Until I lost my job, of course. But that's neither here nor there.

*goes back to want ads*