BUTT PASTE & THE GERMAN DELI

The Girl has a nasty case of diaper rash. She has only had a couple mild episodes before, but this is full-on strawberry jam-looking big ugly diaper rash. It started on Wed. afternoon... she gave a little gasp/scream/whimper that she had previously used to identify intense pain (squeezing out very big poops as an infant). It went downhill from there. Aforementioned big ugly diaper rash (BUDR) had erupted. As soon as I tried to wipe the poop off, Grace started wailing, not just crying, but giant tears and screaming in pain wailing. After many tissues (wipes are the devil to BUDR sufferers) and a warm washcloth, I dried her off and coated her with as much Desitin as could fit on her tiny butt. Since the Girl was thrashing about and I was panic stricken, we got Desitin everywhere, including my hair (?) and her face. The worst - during the screaming and flailing etc., she looked right at me and waved, saying through the tears, "Hi mama, hi mama, hi mama," thinking I would stop hurting her if she acted sweetly. *dissolves into a puddle of tears, shame, and panic*

Called her Dr. and the nurse said Boudreaux's Butt Paste was good, as was a bath with 1/4 box of baking soda a couple of times a day. She also recommended the naked butt method and Tylenol for pain. We tried it all but Grace was still miserable on Thurs. afternoon.

After napping sans diaper, the BUDR was still causing much thrashing and tears for both mommy & child. So we went to option #3: Penaten Cream. Our neighbor said it worked wonders on their now 18-year old daughter. So off we went to the German Deli (I shit you not - the German Deli) where it was stocked in the late '80s. I asked the nice German lady if there was some sort of cream that was good for BUDR. She immediately knew that the Girl was in need of Penaten, "for your poe-poe." To which the Girl answered, "Poop." She also told the Girl that she still uses Penaten on her poe-poe, and she is 60. And for just $13.95 you too can get a large tin of thick goop and heal your poe-poe. Apparently German babies never have diaper rash because of this wonder cream.

It's still nasty on Day 3, but getting better. Luckily she stopped the horrific gasp/scream/whimper as well as the "stake-through-the-heart "Hi mama" waving tactic. And to put a big happy smiley face on this entry... Daddy is home after 7 days in Arizona! Hooray!!!

Mommy can now sit down, have a Coke, and try to regain some perspective.